And Then We Made A Map
by Kitarin
Summary: somewhat a missing/connected scene from Let Your Heart Be Light, in the same universe, at least  Kotetsu's having a terrible day, but can Barnaby get to the heart of the matter and figure out how to be there for his partner?


**Author's Notes:** In the last chapter of Let Your Heart Be Light, Kotetsu & Barnaby reference their "old habit" of star-gazing, and since then, I've wanted to write this one-shot. There's actually half a dozen prompts and ideas from friends that influenced the story, but in the end... I just wanted to see Bunny get the chance to comfort Kotetsu for once. I wanted to be comforted at the time that I wrote this, so I hope it brings you a little bit of peace too.

Don't worry, I'm still working on the New Year's story... I've just been out of town for several weeks, and out of the country for half of it.**  
><strong>

* * *

><p>And Then We Made A Map<p>

_o/~_

_A fallen star,  
>Fell from your heart,<br>And landed in my eyes,  
>I screamed aloud,<br>As it tore through them,  
>And now it's left me blind<em>

_~/o_

There was one time during the space of that year that things almost turned out differently.

* * *

><p>Barnaby Brooks Jr. taps his fingers anxiously against the desktop, his eyes flickering to the clock on his computer for the third time in less than five minutes. Five minutes is the norm, ten on a lazy day, but… it's nearly been a half hour now and his partner is never <em>quite<em> this late. Lifting his hand from the desk, his fingers hover over his call bracelet, wondering if he should…

"Morning, Bunny…" Kotetsu rakes a hand through his hair and watches his partner's head snap up in surprise.

"Where have you been?" The words slip out, harsher than he means because he's been startled, and Barnaby glares at Kotetsu to cover his worry.

"Ah, well, I blew a tire on the way to the office…thought I'd change it myself, and then the sky… heh, well, it kinda opened up right over my head." Kotetsu turns away from his partner, a droop to his shoulders as he sets his hat on his desk and then begins to remove his tie as well.

It's only then that Barnaby realizes his partner is absolutely soaking wet, dripping water all over the floor, and shivering a little. "Why didn't you call the office for a ride?" Barnaby's annoyance melts into something halfway between wounded and concerned. _Why didn't you call me?_

Kotetsu shrugs, then offers a vague half-smile that doesn't come close to reaching his eyes. "I was almost done with it anyway… just bad timing." Gesturing towards the bathrooms, he turns to walk away. "Gonna go wring my shirt out, then I'll get to work."

Barnaby watches his partner's back as he disappears through the door and then sighs, staring at the unfinished report on his screen. It's unusual for Kotetsu to look so serious, to _not_ shake it off like water. They've been getting along much better since the incident with Jake, learning to trust each other and communicate more effectively… _Was I too harsh?_

Ten minutes later, the heroes are called out to a minor robbery, an easy job, and it goes horribly wrong. Barnaby is annoyed, not even so much for the lost points, but because he doesn't know _where_ his partner's mind is today. They haven't had a blunder like this since their early days together.

"What were you thinking?" Lloyds is yelling at Kotetsu in his office, while Barnaby hovers by the door, his arms crossed over his chest as he watches in dismay, debating about whether to stay or go. Once upon a time, he would have left Kotetsu to deal with the fallout alone, but lately… lately things have been changing. With Jake dead, Barnaby finds his life focus… broadening. "The glass replacement cost of the storefront is going to be $22,000, at least!"

Kotetsu sighs and drops his gaze to the floor, none of his usual fight in him. It's just another day, and the sooner it's over…_the sooner it's tomorrow instead._ "I'm sorry about the damages. Can you just dock my paycheck and forget the lecture for today?"

Now, Barnaby is actually confused. Straightening up, he cuts in before Lloyds can even respond. "Actually, due to the fact that the explosion deafened the robbers, and allowed Tiger to step in and snatch the hostages… Judge Petrov ought to rule in his favor."

Kotetsu looks up in surprise, and for a moment, there's a faint glimmer of their usual camaraderie in his eyes. "Bunny…"

Barnaby turns a frown in his partner's direction, feeling like he's somehow been left out of the loop, defensive because of it. "I'm not saying that your move today was anything other than accidental luck, because you clearly _weren't_ paying attention to the directions coming in over the headset. You… you could have gotten yourself killed! What's the matter with you?"

Kotetsu's eyes narrow, and with a polite nod in his boss' direction, he stalks off towards the door, brushing past Barnaby without a word of explanation.

There is nothing but disgruntled silence between them as they ride on the Chaser to training, an hour behind schedule and without any time for a lunch break.

Of course, waiting inside the training room is another lecture, this time from Agnes, and after the cold shoulder in the office, Barnaby doesn't step in to defend Kotetsu this time. In fact, after Agnes and Kotetsu have both stormed off in opposite directions, he simply stands in the center of the training room and sighs.

"Why does he have to be so difficult?" Barnaby muses out loud, not expecting anyone to answer, and he's surprised when Nathan steps up to him, offering a sandwich on a plate.

"We heard you missed your lunch break, Handsome," he smiles and pushes the plate into Barnaby's hands. "And do yourself a favor and lay off the old Tiger, just for today, hmm?"

Barnaby finds himself nodding, frowning, and now beginning to wonder if there really _is_ something out of the ordinary going on with his partner.

_o/~ And in the dark,  
>I can hear your heartbeat, <em>

_I try to find the sound,  
>But then it stopped,<br>And I was in the darkness,  
>So darkness I became ~o_

Kotetsu returns to the main room a half hour later, and Barnaby watches him from his place on the weights, wondering if he's being obsessive, overly concerned… wondering when he actually started spending this much time thinking about his partner. It's usually Kotetsu who is worried about, obsessing about, him, after all.

_He's not really there today…_ And it's true, Kotetsu spends most of his time running aimlessly on the treadmill, disengaged from the rest of the heroes. Normally, he'd be in everyone's face, checking up on their business, making corny jokes…

Barnaby knows in his heart that something isn't right, but he hesitates when his partner leaves the room alone again at the end of the training. There have been many times that Kotetsu has been there for him, cheered him up, pried his thoughts from him… he very nearly counts on that smile to be his personal sunshine on the dreariest days. But today, just as with the rain, Kotetsu's mood is heavier than Barnaby has ever seen it during their partnership - his light is simply _out_. _Should I say something to him?_

"He usually takes off today."

A voice startles Barnaby out of his introspection, and he glances up at Antonio, who is also gazing after the disappearing back of their friend. "Oh…?" Barnaby isn't sure what his coworker is talking about, but he knows the man has been friends with Kotetsu for a long time. "This… particular day?"

"He probably only came to work so that you wouldn't worry about him."

* * *

><p><em>o~ I took the stars from my eyes,  
>And then I made a map,<br>I knew that some how,  
>I could find my way back ~o  
><em>

It's been a painfully long day, longer than he'd wanted, and Kotetsu really wishes he had just stayed in bed. _I could have done without the rain, the lectures, the damages… the misunderstandings._

But it's the end of the day now, and he finds that the rain has finally let up when he steps outside the building to head home. Stretching once, he turns his face to the sky to watch the swift-moving clouds separating as they head out to sea beyond the skyscrapers. Towards the west, the sky is barely starting to pink with sunset, and the world smells fresh after such a thirsty spring rain.

"You would've enjoyed the weather today…" Kotetsu says softly to the sky, and a flicker of sunshine seems to glints from behind a cloud in response. In the low angle of that sunlight, a rainbow arches across the sky for a few minutes, fading in and out of the mist before evaporating along with the departing storm.

"Hey, Kotetsu!"

Kotetsu turns to see his partner hurrying towards him, his hair messy and a little damp from his shower, as if he's rushed more than usual to catch up. He can't really bring himself to remain angry at his partner's abrasive manner, especially when most of today was his own fault. They've actually been getting along really well lately, and he doesn't want to ruin that. "…Bunny?"

The wind kicks up sharply as they stand out on the street together, rippling the puddles on the sidewalk, and it is the sadness in Kotetsu's smile that finally urges Barnaby to speak. "I, ah… did you… want to get dinner?"

Kotetsu smiles a little more at the invitation, but shakes his head. "I'm not hungry, but thanks-"

"Coffee? Tea?" Barnaby says, a strange note entering his voice as he takes a step closer.

"Bunny, I appreciate it, but I just want…" Kotetsu trails off, his conviction faltering when he takes note of the frustration in the blond's expression.

"Let me give you a lift, then, at least," Barnaby says, taking on a no-nonsense work-tone. "I've got the Chaser in the underground here, and your car's…"

"You don't have to-"

"Old Man!" Barnaby's frustration finally gets the better of him as he snaps and Kotetsu jumps a little in response.

"Alright, alright…" Kotetsu sighs, but nods, and a few minutes later, he's riding alongside his partner in the sidecar, reaching up with one hand to hold onto his hat as they pull out into traffic.

The lights are coming up all over the city as they whizz and weave between the other cars, and Kotetsu realizes quickly that they aren't heading towards his home… or Barnaby's… But when he glances up at his partner's determined expression, he decides to humor him anyway. It isn't as if he has anywhere else to be.

_o/~ The stars, the moon,  
>They have all been blown out,<br>You left me in the dark,  
>No dawn, no day,<br>I'm always in the twilight,  
>In the shadow of your heart ~o_

They take the west bridge off the island to catch the intra-state highway, heading north and rising up into the foothills of the Catskills. The sky grows darker as they exit the highway and climb a winding road, finally coming to a halt on a small and empty overlook.

Stern Bild rises up in the distance, bright and glittery, and yet finally far enough away that…

Kotetsu looks up, and sure enough, even with the light pollution in the distance, he can just make out a few of the brightest stars in the indigo sky overhead.

"Kotetsu, what's wrong?" Barnaby's gaze is straight ahead, looking out at the city they protect together. He does usually come here to look at the stars, but there's far more to the trip tonight.

"You want all of the truth… or half of it? Because half of it… is that it's just been a damn _awful_ day."

Barnaby frowns, ruffled by Kotetsu's typical tendency to avoid. "I'd prefer _all_ of the truth, but… however much you feel comfortable telling me."

"So you drove me all the way out here to ask me that?"

"Not exactly… but I _can_ tell that something's wrong, so..."

"Heh, from the three or four sentences we've exchanged today?"

Barnaby finally turns off the Chaser with a quick snap of his wrist and gives his partner a sharp look. "For _exactly _that reason! You… you're usually much more talkative. Blahblahblah… So much that I can't get any work done…"

"Then today should have been a nice treat," Kotetsu retorts rudely, hopping out of the side car and stretching, patting at the pocket of his vest. _This is as good a spot as any, even if having company is … out of the ordinary._

There's a moment of silence where Barnaby watches his partner's silhouette from behind, still sitting on the motorcycle himself, and then he sighs. "Antonio told me… what today is."

"Then why did you need to ask me? Or bring me out here…?" Not that here is so bad, Kotetsu has to admit as he admires the view, and he's actually kind of touched that his partner is so concerned about him. Despite the comically bad day, it's been… at least a day he'll remember, unlike some in the past, some he's burned out of his memory with alcohol.

Barnaby slides smoothly off the motorcycle and takes a step towards his partner, debating his words. Kotetsu never talks about himself much, even after half a year of being partners, and Barnaby rarely presses, but… this seems different. It almost seems like his partner _wants_ him to press a little harder, dig a little deeper... and Barnaby _wants_ to and he doesn't know _why_ he feels compelled. It's… confusing. "I… I only… hate to see you so sad. It's not…like you…"

"I don't like this season," Kotetsu says suddenly, bitterly, not quite acknowledging Barnaby's statement. It's really the first time he's ever let himself confide like this in the other man, because he doesn't really confide much in people at all. There's a lighter in his hands now that he's pulled from his pocket, and he flicks the flame to life, holds it out in front of them. "Everything's coming back to life, growing, awakening… " The flame winks out suddenly. "But all I can think about is death. I'd rather it be winter, with all the lights and good cheer..."

"You could have said something to me…" Barnaby knows that Kotetsu lost his wife, but this is the first time he's actually witnessed more than a tiny shred of his partner's grief over the event. It's a haunting echo of his own pain, and a reminder that they are really not so dissimilar in their shades of darkness. "I always want to know if something is wrong."

Kotetsu finally stops in his hesitating and pulls a crumpled pack of cigarettes from the inside pocket of his vest. "Do you want one?"

Barnaby raises an eyebrow as Kotetsu sits down against the front of the sidecar, knocking one out against the metal. "I've never seen you…"

"I don't, really," Kotetsu shrugs, chuckles. "Old bad habit that fell by the wayside when I became a hero. But…just once a year, maybe… usually alone in the local park, I'll smoke an entire pack all at once, eat half a dozen hot dogs, drink tequila, turn off my phone. Take a day to… disregard my life, my promises, do the things I know aren't good for me… it's probably the completely _wrong_ way to deal with it, trying to _forget_ it…" His breath hitches, and it's an easy excuse to stop talking. It still hurts, and it probably always will, but he thinks that maybe Barnaby understands. "Anything to not feel… left alone in the dark."

"I understand…" It's more in one moment than Kotetsu usually says about himself in a month, and Barnaby finds himself answering in kind. "Sometimes I feel… more alone in that crowd of city people than I do out here. I come to look at the stars when I want to be away from the city - away from the memories… when I want to think only of what I might want to do with the rest of my life now that my parents have been avenged…" Barnaby pauses, glancing at his partner before deciding to admit something further. "I've always come alone before, but… I think maybe I prefer having you here with me. I wanted… to show this place to you."

"I'm not sorry you brought me out here," Kotetsu finally smiles, more genuinely than he has all day, and lights the cigarette, taking a long drag. It's a simple statement, that ending bit, but it means a lot coming from Barnaby, and so Kotetsu offers a little more honesty in return. "I don't usually even leave the apartment today, besides the park, but… I came to work this year for some reason. And I was planning to go straight home, but… how could I say no, when my precious partner was asking me out for the night with so much determination? You rarely say yes when _I_ ask you to go places!"

And there, finally, is the light and warmth and teasing back in Kotetsu's voice, and Barnaby feels himself breathe a true sigh of relief. He watches the thin line of smoke disappear up into the sky before answering, his cheeks flushing a little. "You… embarrass me."

"So you can't take me anywhere?" Kotetsu laughs a little harder, takes another drag, and then holds the cigarette out to Barnaby. "I'll bet you've never even smoked one before, Mr. Cultured."

"Not so." Barnaby accepts the cigarette, brings it to his lips between two fingers, then says softly. "I… don't know how to do this." He doesn't mean the cigarette, though, obviously, and takes an experimental drag, his eyes watering immediately as he coughs. There are enough things he's done just to experience them, for knowledge, and not because he actually cares for them at all. "How to… be the partner you deserve."

"What are you talking about?" Kotetsu turns to regard him with a curious stare. This is far off the tangent of deceased relatives and bad habits. "You're an excellent partner – the only reason I didn't end up injured today."

Barnaby's laugh is brittle, though it's hard to say if it's the smoking, coughing or his sudden shift in mood. "No, I'm not. Not really."

"You always have my back," Kotetsu argues further, accepting the cigarette back. "With Jake – you trusted me, in the end. We saved the city together!"

"Out in the field, doing our jobs, yes…" Barnaby struggles to find the words for the inadequacy he feels. His mind drifts back to the incident with the sash – the burnt "Let's Believe Heroes" scrap he's secreted away in his apartment to mull over as a bright spark on dark nights. _The way you took that hit for me without a second thought, the way you care for me…_ "You constantly fuss over whether I'm eating properly, or sleeping enough, or need some company, and I… all day I knew something was wrong with you, and yet I did _nothing_ about it until Antonio stepped in. It's just… not in my nature to _care_ about other people the way that you do."

Kotetsu tosses the cigarette down into the dirt, stubbing it out under his toe before pulling out another. Barnaby has derailed the anniversary of his guilt, and in the same moment, given himself away far more than usual. Kotetsu hardly knows what to make of it, but he refuses to waste the opportunity. "But here we are," he gestures to the scenery before them, then reaches to take Barnaby's hand, turning it over and placing the cigarette in it before tugging him down to rest beside him on the front of the sidecar. "So… you must care then."

"I expected our partnership to be about… about the business, the points, the efficiency of it…" Barnaby twirls the unlit cigarette between his slender fingers, his ring glinting in the moonlight, speaking quickly, defensively as Kotetsu pulls out another and lights it for himself. "Not… like this…"

"Like this?" Kotetsu turns to Barnaby, inclines his chin in a slight gesture of 'come closer'. Barnaby leans in with his own cigarette and in an unrecognized affirmation of their partnership, lights it off of Kotetsu's. Their eyes meet in the long moment it takes the heat to catch between them, gold and green, and then Kotetsu smiles. "You mean, like… giving a damn? Like…being friends?"

"Something like that…" Barnaby glances away in embarrassment, their sudden proximity recalling more things he's had too much time to think about in the open space that is life after revenge. For a moment, he'd wanted to just close the distance between them the way he had a few months ago. _But it's neither the time nor the place. Maybe it never will be._

"I think we're getting better at this all the time," Kotetsu says brightly, and even though he's promised himself before that he's not ever crossing this line between them again, he reaches out impulsively with his free hand to twirl one of Barnaby's curls around a finger. He can't help but wonder if Barnaby is thinking back on the same night he is, the last time they'd been this close... "Maybe you'll even make King of Heroes this season."

"If you don't keep screwing up," Barnaby retorts, reaching automatically to nervously brush Kotetsu's hand away from his hair, which seems to happen more and more frequently lately.

"I think you're stuck with me either way," Kotetsu says, and feeling a little cheered up, a little cheeky, he tosses an arm around Barnaby's shoulders. _I shouldn't ever stop being grateful for the good things remaining in my life, I know, even on this day… _"And for that, especially tonight… I'm grateful."

Barnaby freezes up for a moment in surprise, dropping his half-finished cigarette to the ground. Kotetsu only continues to smile at him until he relaxes a little, finally stubbing it out with his red boot before answering softly. "We could… do this again sometime, if you wanted."

"We could," Kotetsu agrees, tipping his head back and looking up at the stars. "On a better night, with less old memories… and maybe with a pizza and a six-pack. Maybe in the winter, when Orion's nice and bright to trace in the sky."

"Now you're pushing it," Barnaby grouses a little, but he's only teasing, warm underneath his partner's arm and from his words. The light he so depends has returned, and… he might have had a little something to do with turning it back on.

"Aww, Bunny," Kotetsu grins, leaning in to touch his cold nose to his partner's warm cheek, bumping his glasses out of place a little in the process. "You know it'd be fun!"

"Kotetsu, stop it, your nose is cold… " Barnaby complains, but he's smiling too. Whatever this is, he can't deny that it makes him happy when Kotetsu is happy. _Perhaps this wasn't what I expected when I agreed to having a partner… but… only because it's more than I even knew how to hope for._

"I don't think I want the rest of these…" Kotetsu suddenly says, cramming the mostly-empty pack back into his vest pocket. His partner's presence has changed the shape of this usually dark day of the past into something with a clear path back to their present. Pointing out at Stern Bild, he smiles. "Maybe I'll take you up on that dinner now."

_o/~ Then I heard your heart beating, _

_you were in the darkness too,  
>So I stayed in the darkness with you ~o_


End file.
